Updating in 6 Minutes!

...Then my ice cream will be thawed!

So anyway i think Eric has given up posting sadly.

Also i have decided that i think i may try to start keeping a diary type thing on my laptop. I've tried this before and i'm never able to keep up with it, but maybe this year will be different.

But anyway i need something to clear my head and let my feelings out. For most normal people that would be a friend. However, since i don't have many of those, and none that i can really confide in or be completely myself around (other than my older cousin who lives too far away), i need another option.

So, with the school year rapidly approaching i am making new decisions on how to cope with people and my life and whatnot.

So for some reason i just felt like informing you on this.

Thank you for reading ♥

A Tortured Soul

Sorry for the confusion, but i just feel like i need to talk.

So, i just caught up on Eric's blog and at the end of his last post he said that he was ready to grow up...

Oh how i wish that i was in the same place as he was =/

Random complicated experience: trying to read the human-test-letters-thing-for-trying-to-post-a-comment while you have tears in your eyes.

Anyway so now i'm thinking about the future... again.

It's never good thoughts either especially when someone your own age, whom you've always related to, is suddenly ready and confident about it and you're not.

When i think about the future i can't see anything. It's just emptiness, darkness, an endless black abyss in my mind. It's just--

Death.

The End.

I am physically incapable of imagining a future for myself. I've never really been able to and frankly I'm a bit surprised that i've lived this long. When i was a kid (since it is becoming more and more obvious that soon enough i won't be anymore) i used to think that my inability to imagine a future meant that i was going to die at a young age. And as i get older and the abyss approaches me with gaining speed i become even more afraid that my younger self could've been right.

(It's been about 10 minutes since i've written anything because i have been thinking too much about the abyss or [if there isn't an abyss following me] then how i will ever survive not knowing how or what i want from my life or how i could ever accomplish anything on my own)

my thought just become more and more haunting because i cannot talk about this to anyone. My friends would worry about me and my mom thinks i'm just being silly or tells me not to worry because she's sure that i'll be fine. But how does she know?! She doesn't!

The only reason i trust this blog is because i feel like i'm talking to an inanimate object and even beneath that i know that only a couple of people will ever read this.

But i don't need people to worry about me and i don't want false hope.
I just want understanding and someone to confide in.
I want a best friend who understands me and i've always wanted that.
But i've always been a freak and a loner and an awkward socialist.

I don't see how i will ever survive in the real world.

My one true wish, my deepest desire: to exist in a storybook; to live as a character set to a plot.

I want my world to make sense, but i fear that it never will.

Thank you for reading ♥.

Thoughts

I haven't blogged in quite a while, but then again nothing has really been happening. And i just found out that Eric has been posting again so i will need to catch up on his blog later.

But for now i kind of just want to talk. I have been thinking A LOT about stuff. Mostly about friends and going back to school and getting older and stuff because 1. my birthday was last week and i am now 17 and 2. school is starting at the end of the month. Where did summer go? I'm already seeing back to school commercials and having my annual beginning-of-the-year nightmares (this year so far only about not finishing my summer work. I guess since i'm going to be a senior i'm not as afraid of getting lost in the school).

Anyway, i've been wondering for a while now and i both don't have anyone to talk to about it really and also feel weird bringing it up in person, but i will bring it up in this blog:
When you think about sharing personal thought or feelings or experiences with someone, is there one person that you usually imagine talking to?

I've just been wondering if that's normal or if it's just one of my strange qualities.
Since i've brought it up i suppose that i should explain my 'yes' response to the question.

Except for under certain circumstances when it would make more sense for me to tell someone something because i know that they can relate or whatever, there is one friend that i usually imagine talking to.
That friend's name is Josh.

I'm not sure why it's him, perhaps just because i feel so comfortable talking to him and can't really imagine him judging me as much as some other people might. Or perhaps merely because of the fact that all summer i have been looking forward to the two of us hanging out on August 16th which means that he is the first person i imagine talking too since i will see him again before most of my other friends.

I don't know for sure, but it'a kind of been driving me crazy for a while.

But i keep my thoughts tame by spending my life on youtube (even though the redesign and ad changes have been driving me crazy and making me angry) with my favorite people in the world! ♥

Um... no offense to my real life friends, i still love you all, but youtube friends are always there for you no matter what (as long as you have internet) and they can always put a smile on your face.

Anyway, enough with my obsession, I should leave.

Forever yours,
Danielle

Books Can Hurt

I know that i haven't posted in a while but to be fair not much has been happening other than packing for vacation (i leave tomorrow which is friday since i'm currently writing this at 3:00 thursday morning). Also, Eric hasn't been blogging either and though i know that he has been very busy and has an excuse i still feel a little abandoned.

Anyway, Today i started reading It's Kind of a Funny Story which i've owned and have wanted to read for almost a year now. Anyway, i wish that i had started it last month when i was already so depressed (and actually had some time to read). So, i'm kind of addicted to the book (both because it's entertaining and because i can relate to the main character and his thoughts) and i've read about 122 pages today already. However, the book makes me cry quite often because while he is being depressed and thinking thoughts that most normal people would just think 'that's sad' when reading, i read his thoughts and can relate to them. So then i think 'i understand' or 'i've been there' or 'i agree' or 'i think so/have thought so too' etc. Then i remember stuff related to his thoughts, my own thoughts or experiences and i cry not only because of the painful memories but also because it makes me fear that i actually am depressed. then i try desperately (and sometimes succeed) to find differences between his symptoms and mine.

Now i don't feel like sleeping even though i know that i should, but mostly i just want my mom to get up so that i can hug her even though i know that she will be mad that i am awake so late at night.

And so i guess i should be going, to attempt to sleep before a day full of packing.

Sleep well readers!

PS- I finally figured out how to fix the spacing issue in the blog! yay!

Routine

I figured it was about time for an update. Even though nothing new has really happened. Monday i had my first guitar lesson with my father and he taught me 3 things: 1. How to tune the guitar 2. The 4 basic chords (G, E minor, C, and D) 3. You don't learn during a guitar lesson, you learn between guitar lessons

Other than that my life has mostly just been following its usual routine. Which is why i would like to dedicate this post to routines. As much as routine frustrates me, it also helps keep me sane. So, I would like to share with you my daily routine.
1. wake up (usual pretty late over the summer)
2. check facebook, twitter, email, and then youtube
3. watch new youtube videos from people/series that i actually stay up-to-date on (with 2 exceptions)
4. talk to mom when she gets home
5. eat dinner
6. watch the 2 exception videos with my mom
7. watch tv with mom
8. say goodnight to mom
9. watch more tv/play technic pack
10. go to bed or hide in my room until mom has left for work (has yet to succeed)
Then of course there are lesser things in the weekly routine to discuss (i'm not sure why i'm sharing all of this but it is on my mind. feel free to quit reading here, you won't miss much):
Youtube videos i watch (when they're new): Tobygames: Zelda: The Skyward Sword, Minecraft, Skyrim, Happy Wheels(one of the two exception videos) Yogscest: anything minecraft (with a few exceptions) (also the other exception video) Wheezywaiter
TV schedule: Monday: i don't watch anything except occasionally i watch Hell's Kitchen and Master Chef with my mom
Tuesday: Total Drama Revenge of the Island; occasionally i watch Hell's Kitchen and Master Chef with my mom
Wednesday: Franklin and Bash is on too late for my mom so we watch it on demand over the weekend; Futurama
Thursday: Men at Work is on too late for my mom so we watch it on demand over the weekend; occasionally The Choice and Take me Out
Friday: Common Law Saturday night: marathon of Psych Sunday: nothing good usually =/ Late at night i usually watch Friends, sometimes Seinfeld, Futurama or The Office (on netflix).
So... Yeah I've pretty much just described my whole summer, but if anything else of interest happens you will be the first to know. Until then i will probably only make boring posts like this. Hoping that i didn't bore you to death! Danielle

Summer Goals

I could rant about some random stuff tonight (this morning?), but i'm too lazy to so instead i will keep my promise and discuss my goals for this summer. 1. Finish my 3 summer books, french packet, and AP calculus book work before august (probably not going to happen). 2. Learn the basics of playing guitar so that i can focus on learning songs during the school year (this is for my senior project next year so it must get done, tho my dad is supposed to help me and most likely won't). 3. Play the technic pack and work my way up to present day with Duncan's tutorial/adventure videos on youtube. Afterwards i will try to keep up with the new videos that come out too. 4. Practice underhand serving in badminton (this is because my friend Josh's senior project is going to be to start a badminton team/club at our school and he asked me to be a part of it). 5. Possibly start driving school if we can afford it. 6. A 1 week vacation in north carolina with my family from both connecticut and ohio. 7. Starting a youtube channel with my cousin and her boyfriend with all of us doing commentary/walkthroughs for video games. I beleive that is just about everything that i will be attempting to accomplish this summer. Wish me luck!

Do I Ever Sleep?

Before i even start this post the answer the title is rarely. But anyway, i would like to address again that i am a complete nerd, since that will play a big role in this post. So, first of all i should explain why i am still awake at 5 AM. Sadly, this will be a long story only likely to be extended severely due to the fact that i ramble more when i'm tired. Which, by the way, i don't feel very tired despite the lack of sleep. Well, as you may or may not know, this is the beginning of the 2nd official day of summer vacation and my 3rd day of summer vacation (i didn't need to come in the last day due to a lack of finals that day). Of course this means that i am yet again starting my horrible sleeping system, which i desperately want to avoid as much as possible this year mostly because of the goals i have for the summer (which i will discuss later). So rather than go to bed at 5 AM i am going to attempt to stay awake until at least 10 PM. Well back to the real story, i stayed up so late because i recently started playing with the technic pack (http://www.technicpack.net/) for minecraft. Anyway, i got kinda addicted to it. I started following a tutorial-ish thing for the tekkit pack (the multiplayer version) by a guy named Duncan whom i find entertaining. So while i was watching his videos i decided to try the singleplayer version of the mod and actually follow his tutorial. So from roughly 11:30 PM to 4:30 AM i was playing the game and following his tutorial until i decided how late it was and that i had no desire to attempt to learn something new this early in the morning. When i quit the game on my mom's laptop (since mine hates everything but vanilla minecraft) i desided to check everything (facebook, twitter, email, youtube) one last time before laying down to watch tv and possibly fall asleep. I never know why i check all of these social networks so often when i usually know that nobody is trying to contact me (especially past midnight) and i know around what times the youtubers that i watch post videos. But this morning when i checked twitter i saw that Eric had told me (as part of a conversation we were having on twitter earlier) that he hoped i would continue my blogging. At that point i realized that it might actually be good for me if i tried to keep up with this and so i began my writing. However, i believe that this post has gotten a bit too long and i am beginning to forget everything that i had wanted to say, so i will end this. My next post, if nothing else comes up, will most likely be about my goals for the summer. EXTRAS: I have been watching old episodes of Futurama all night. Every appearance of 'this morning' or any variation of that had to be retyped since i keep thinking of it being night, not morning. I do not understand why it gets rid of my spacing as soon as i publish a post.

A Return?

I'm considering following Eric's lead and bringing back the blogging, even though this is my first post in about 2 years. More than likely it will not become a regular thing for me, but who knows? Like him, I am typing to nobody really. However, the difference in my case is that only one person, at the most, will read this. I've been so conflicted and tortured lately and i haven't felt like anyone was there for me, forgetting of course that this blog even existed. However, reconnecting with Eric, if all goes well, could mean that there is still some hope after all. I won't keep you for too long, reader, for i do not actually have much to say that i am really comfortable revealing to the internet, even though i do feel quite safe in the belief that nobody will read this. However there are a few things that i wish to express about myself: 1. I am a complete nerd and i am ok with this even if others aren't. 2. I have no life and though i am please with some ways that i spend my time, i do wish that i had people to spend time with in the real world. 3. I am paranoid. Pretty much all the time. 4. I miss the past, hate the present, and fear the future. Even though everyone is always told not to. Which doesn't console me, just makes me feel worse. That's about all that i have to offer right now i believe. I'm not sure when i will post again, if ever, so i will simply say goodbye. Thanks for reading ♥

Camping, Birthday, and Whatnot

so i got home from camping yesterday and i had a lot of fun with my mom, boyfriend, cousins, aunt, and aunt's boyfriend.

it was a good week but the weekend got a little hectic. i was happy to be home though especially because i had my birthday party the night before we left for camping.

i had a lot to catch up on when i got home and it took most of yesterday.

oh and i forgot that i have some new i can tell you now!

on the fourth of july my family was told some news that we had to keep secret for a while but we can now share. my aunt (Katie) is pregnant! she did her own ultrasound too (that's how cool she is). in the words of her son Matthew "she has a baby in her belly from the baby doctor".

i dont feel like putting too much info in this post, sorry.

i just thought i would update you a little bit.

Thanks for your time!

The Family Gathering

so on thursday i helped my aunt move some stuff out of her old house and into her new house in portland. i ended spending that night and the next night with my cousin in the ranch house that is also on my aunt's property but in now my cousin's house. its a really nice house and i was happy to see Jessica, Dickson, and their kittens, Remy, Scout, and Chowder again.

Saturday we had a huge family get together. i didn't know a few people there and others i hadn't seen since i was little so it was a little awkward for me. there were about 22 people there so it was very loud and crowded.

Here are the people that were there that i can name at least:

My grandparents
My aunts: Missy, Katie, Christine
My mom
Me
My cousins: Jessica, Kevin, Kelly, Matthew
My uncle: Kevin
Jessica's boyfriend: Dickson
My grandfather's siblings: Roger, Ross, Ginger, Chuckie
Chuckie's wife: Laurie
Roger's wife: Julie
Skippy
Gary
Joice
Ross's daughter: Alison

that's about all the names i remember

anyway it was kinda hectic there and we were there for 7 hours (we didn't leave until around 12:30)

the next day (yesterday) me, my mom, kevin and kelly, my aunt missy, my grandparents, and roger and julie all went over to my aunt's house again and stayed there for about 5 hours while roger and my grandfather worked on the filter for my aunt's pool. i hung out with Jess and the kittens most of the day. the kids were getting really annoying =/.

anyway just wanted to fill you in on all that has been happening. hoping to post to 10mow by 2morrow.

Until next time Readers!

-DeDe (Danielle)

Stay cool!

Happy 4th of July Yesterday!

So i figured i'd just make one post for this past weekend.

i just finished watching every episode of Futurama (which only took me about 4 days).

well, on saturday i got the two books that we need to read this summer vacation: Fahrenheit 451 and A Separate Peace. they are surprisingly smaller than i thought they would.

on the fourth of july i spent most of the day playing with my little cousin Matthew. then we watched a firework show that wasnt from the same people as usual, but we still very good.

not much special happened. one of my aunts was sick so she wasnt there and neither was my cousin Jessica.

I also learned some interesting news that im not sharing yet.

anyway I know that nobody reads most of my posts and that its mostly pointless to post but oh well. i will anyway.

Well. Matt has been sick for a few days and went to the hospital some time after we left last night. he's going to be fine and he doesnt have anything deadly.

Everything will be ok, but i thought i'd share it just to kinda make myself feel better and feel like i was actually talking about it.

anyway i dont even know who will read this if anyone. if you do read it, however please disregard most of this post.

I hope that everyone had a great 4th of July. Tell me about your weekend in the comments.

Happy July!

since we are now in the middle of summer i decided to make the blog look a little warmer.

i love and hate July. i love it because it is my birth month and it is the first whole month of summer.

i hate it because it is the middle of summer so it is all hot every day almost and because it is getting pretty close to the time that we need to go back to school.

so this weekend is the fourth of July. every fourth of July my family and i go to my aunt Katie's house for a picnic because one of her neighbors has a really good firework show.

so, what do all of you do for the fourth of July? leave ur story in the comments.

also on the 9th i have family from Ohio coming to visit. they are staying with my grandparents for a week.

on the 10th we are having a get together of my family that i see all the time, my family from Ohio, family that i have only ever met once or twice, and family that i have never met.

I'll post that day or the next day to let you know how it goes.

i might post every day of the week that my Ohio family is here.

So i will be blogging a lot this month most likely.

I also need to get work done too.

Saturday I am going to the book store to buy the 2 books that we need to read this summer.

I am in the middle of reading my (most likely) free choice book: The Necromancer.

Anyway I hope everyone is enjoying their summer vacation!

The Busy Weekend

i know its shocking isnt it?

ill try to include just about everything i remember.

Saturday:

first i went to triple a with my mom so she could get her license renewed. it went by a lot quicker than we thought it would.

when my mom said she'd like to be put down as an organ donor i made a monty python reference by saying: "but then they might break into our house and try to steal your liver"

then we played with some loud speaking map puzzle thing of the U.S. my mom got her license back after we put like 2 states in though so we had to try to hurry up.

around noon eric came over so we could watch a few episodes of pokemon (i think we watched about 10)

he met sheldon (my tortoise) and met my cat, ashes (or patches in his mind), for the second time

we took a bunch of dailybooth photos too that you can see on dailybooth.com/gomezzio we kinda abused it.

we also exchanged laptops for a while

oh and i bought him yogos and he talked me into taking 1 or "1" out of each bag even though i really dont like them.

i finally gave him my old dead watch

then we went to angela's house for a bonfire

eric and i went in at exactly 7:02 (well at least according to the clock in the car, which was fast)

we looked for bee-bees and collected a lot of them until other people started to show up

angela's brother wouldnt shoot a yogo out of his bee-bee gun :(

so now here are the main things that we did there: munchkin skipping (both separate and in groups and sometimes racing or down the street)

visited a tree that is in the middle of the street near angela's house (we even videotaped it)

played a strange version of duck duck goose that (even though it didnt always apply) i think we called Duck Duck Goat

played the wonder ball

talked about a weird robot lady (long story)

otherwise we were mostly just random

i didnt get home until around 11:30 and chris stayed with us for about 10 minutes until his parents came to get him

it was a pretty fun day though

Today:

i had to go to my grandparents' house because my mom and aunt were cleaning out one of the rooms. i had to entertain my little cousins (kevin and kelly)

i was in a bad mood all day and am only slightly better now

they have such short attention spans and the only time they actually stuck with somethign to play for more than 10 minutes was when they wanted to play with guns, which i hate more than just about anything that they make me play.

i didnt get to eat all day until around 4:00 either =/

so that didnt help my mood

the highlight of my day was actually when i got to shuck corn outside alone for a while.

then, when i was on the 2nd to last piece of corn, the kids came out and tried to help which was both frustrating and time consuming.

i didnt get home until around 6:00 either. so i was there about 6 hours.

i had a tough day =/ i guess it just had to balance me out because i actually had a great day on saturday.

anyway that's about it

i still dont know how i should end these so maybe i will just leave.

The Greatest Kid Movies Ever

i just saw toy story 3 today and i have to say that it was a great trilogy

i loved growing up with these movies and im so glad that i got a chance to see this one. it really was amazing (as always).

it was funny, emotional, and a lot of fun

i hope that everyone who knows and loves these movies will get a chance to see the third and i hope that you all enjoy it as much as i have.

sorry that the post is short.

Blog to ya later!

PS im thinking about changing how i end my posts or else just getting rid of a regular closing all together. thoughts? leave them in the comments.

A Cool New Design for a Cool Summer!

im so excited that 2morrow is my first full day of summer vacation!

i thought that i would mark this special occasion with a redesign.

i wanted to let you all know on here as well that i will continue the notebook posts over the summer and i will try to post on here very often.

but no matter how short the posts are i will keep u updated on all the great things that happen.

so far my only close plans are to watch pokemon with eric on saturday. we may also play some mille bornes.

i hope you all keep checking back here whenever possible this summer. i will try to make a post on here every time i have updated 10mow.

i hope you all have a great summer and have fun!

Blog to ya later!

Stealing Ideas From Eric- Meme

Put your iTunes on shuffle. Whatever song comes up, you write the title next to the time in your 'life.' No cheating.

No analysis this time, sorry. might come back for that some time later.

anyway let's begin. Time to learn about my ipod's life:

Birth- Eye of the Tiger- Survivor
First Birthday- Mr. Crowley- Ozzy Osbourne
First Day of School- Limelight- Rush
Middle School- For Good- Wicked
First Girlfriend- Pinball Wizard- The Who
Puberty- Rent- Rent
First Breakup- Paint It Black- The Rolling Stones
High School- Three is a Magic Number- Molly Lewis
High School Graduation- Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down
Choice of College Major- Sentiments- Dr. Noise
College- Goodbye Love- Rent
College Graduation- We are the Champions- Queen
Meets Future Wife- Hold on- Kansas
Engagement- Over the Moon- Rent
Marriage- The Wizard and I- Wicked
Have a Child- Livin' on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
Become Sick- One More Chance- Zebra
Death- The Devil Game- Kansas
Funeral- Blue on Black- Kenny Wayne Shepherd

Well that was awfully strange. I probly wont have an analysis for this one after all.

anyway i hope that you try this either on your blogs and/or in the comments.

I hope you enjoyed this!

Blog to ya later.

Sick

sorry but im not gonna post to 10mow until monday probly. i havent felt great the past few days really but i do have stuff i wanna share.

sorry again.

happy mother's day to everyone tomorrow!

i hope that everyone does something special for their mother tomorrow.

if u want tell me how you spend the day in the comments.

ill probly post on here again at some point tomorrow.

blog to ya later.

Redesign!

yeah i know.. its dark.. but i think its kinda cool.

i decided to get rid of the blue for a while and move on to red!

i know im kinda bad with color matching stuff but i think it turned out ok in the end.

i hope that you all like this change or can at least deal with it until i change it again.

anyway i just thought i'd acknowledge this change with a post.

Blog to ya later! enjoy the changes!

Not Posting

srry that i kinda failed at keeping up with my blogging last week but i actually found stuff to do for the end of the week. so for the next few weekends i'll probly finish my 10mow promise along with having a post for the summary good school moments at the end of each week.

or at least this is what im planning.

as for the other vacation stuff... guess you'll never know. *evil laugh*

anyway i really hope that my plan works out well. as always im really sorry for not posting.

blog to ya later.. hopefully soon.

Pokemon Pokethon (Yeah Idk Either..)

sorry i havent been updating this as much as planned and i havent been doing more of the notebook stuff but i actually found some stuff to do. i know you're all surprised.

yesterday i spent the day with eric and we watched 10 episodes of pokemon from the beginning. we made some good memories. and i watched the new wheezywaiter video at his house and then got him to start watching his videos too! (im proud)

and today i did my science lab (that i probly did wrong), read a decent amount of Romeo and Juliet, watched a lot of old wheezywaiter videos, and then had issues with my laptop for a while.

anyway some pokemon memories (some of which only eric and i will get:

calling pokemon by their type after reading all of the types in the book that eric had
*with no emotion* brock's falling
before we met brock in the show every time we saw him in the intro we'd say 'who's that?'
Pokemon Tech. I think that's short for Pokemon Technical School!
Clefairy: "clefairy, clefairy" Brock: It looks like a Clefairy!
based on the types of pokemon and which ones evolved into which other ones i learned what kinda of our-world creatures and thing can grow up to be! for example: tiny weeds can grow into BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS.
after every 'who's that pokemon' saying 'pikachu!'


that's only a few.

so thanks eric for the quotes that i took from some of your tweets.

and also if you would like to include other memories in the comments feel free. and if the rest of you have pokemon related memories you can share those too!

anyway..

blog to ya later!