...Then my ice cream will be thawed!
So anyway i think Eric has given up posting sadly.
Also i have decided that i think i may try to start keeping a diary type thing on my laptop. I've tried this before and i'm never able to keep up with it, but maybe this year will be different.
But anyway i need something to clear my head and let my feelings out. For most normal people that would be a friend. However, since i don't have many of those, and none that i can really confide in or be completely myself around (other than my older cousin who lives too far away), i need another option.
So, with the school year rapidly approaching i am making new decisions on how to cope with people and my life and whatnot.
So for some reason i just felt like informing you on this.
Thank you for reading ♥
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
A Tortured Soul
Sorry for the confusion, but i just feel like i need to talk.
So, i just caught up on Eric's blog and at the end of his last post he said that he was ready to grow up...
Oh how i wish that i was in the same place as he was =/
Random complicated experience: trying to read the human-test-letters-thing-for-trying-to-post-a-comment while you have tears in your eyes.
Anyway so now i'm thinking about the future... again.
It's never good thoughts either especially when someone your own age, whom you've always related to, is suddenly ready and confident about it and you're not.
When i think about the future i can't see anything. It's just emptiness, darkness, an endless black abyss in my mind. It's just--
Death.
The End.
I am physically incapable of imagining a future for myself. I've never really been able to and frankly I'm a bit surprised that i've lived this long. When i was a kid (since it is becoming more and more obvious that soon enough i won't be anymore) i used to think that my inability to imagine a future meant that i was going to die at a young age. And as i get older and the abyss approaches me with gaining speed i become even more afraid that my younger self could've been right.
(It's been about 10 minutes since i've written anything because i have been thinking too much about the abyss or [if there isn't an abyss following me] then how i will ever survive not knowing how or what i want from my life or how i could ever accomplish anything on my own)
my thought just become more and more haunting because i cannot talk about this to anyone. My friends would worry about me and my mom thinks i'm just being silly or tells me not to worry because she's sure that i'll be fine. But how does she know?! She doesn't!
The only reason i trust this blog is because i feel like i'm talking to an inanimate object and even beneath that i know that only a couple of people will ever read this.
But i don't need people to worry about me and i don't want false hope.
I just want understanding and someone to confide in.
I want a best friend who understands me and i've always wanted that.
But i've always been a freak and a loner and an awkward socialist.
I don't see how i will ever survive in the real world.
My one true wish, my deepest desire: to exist in a storybook; to live as a character set to a plot.
I want my world to make sense, but i fear that it never will.
Thank you for reading ♥.
So, i just caught up on Eric's blog and at the end of his last post he said that he was ready to grow up...
Oh how i wish that i was in the same place as he was =/
Random complicated experience: trying to read the human-test-letters-thing-for-trying-to-post-a-comment while you have tears in your eyes.
Anyway so now i'm thinking about the future... again.
It's never good thoughts either especially when someone your own age, whom you've always related to, is suddenly ready and confident about it and you're not.
When i think about the future i can't see anything. It's just emptiness, darkness, an endless black abyss in my mind. It's just--
Death.
The End.
I am physically incapable of imagining a future for myself. I've never really been able to and frankly I'm a bit surprised that i've lived this long. When i was a kid (since it is becoming more and more obvious that soon enough i won't be anymore) i used to think that my inability to imagine a future meant that i was going to die at a young age. And as i get older and the abyss approaches me with gaining speed i become even more afraid that my younger self could've been right.
(It's been about 10 minutes since i've written anything because i have been thinking too much about the abyss or [if there isn't an abyss following me] then how i will ever survive not knowing how or what i want from my life or how i could ever accomplish anything on my own)
my thought just become more and more haunting because i cannot talk about this to anyone. My friends would worry about me and my mom thinks i'm just being silly or tells me not to worry because she's sure that i'll be fine. But how does she know?! She doesn't!
The only reason i trust this blog is because i feel like i'm talking to an inanimate object and even beneath that i know that only a couple of people will ever read this.
But i don't need people to worry about me and i don't want false hope.
I just want understanding and someone to confide in.
I want a best friend who understands me and i've always wanted that.
But i've always been a freak and a loner and an awkward socialist.
I don't see how i will ever survive in the real world.
My one true wish, my deepest desire: to exist in a storybook; to live as a character set to a plot.
I want my world to make sense, but i fear that it never will.
Thank you for reading ♥.
Thoughts
I haven't blogged in quite a while, but then again nothing has really been happening. And i just found out that Eric has been posting again so i will need to catch up on his blog later.
But for now i kind of just want to talk. I have been thinking A LOT about stuff. Mostly about friends and going back to school and getting older and stuff because 1. my birthday was last week and i am now 17 and 2. school is starting at the end of the month. Where did summer go? I'm already seeing back to school commercials and having my annual beginning-of-the-year nightmares (this year so far only about not finishing my summer work. I guess since i'm going to be a senior i'm not as afraid of getting lost in the school).
Anyway, i've been wondering for a while now and i both don't have anyone to talk to about it really and also feel weird bringing it up in person, but i will bring it up in this blog:
When you think about sharing personal thought or feelings or experiences with someone, is there one person that you usually imagine talking to?
I've just been wondering if that's normal or if it's just one of my strange qualities.
Since i've brought it up i suppose that i should explain my 'yes' response to the question.
Except for under certain circumstances when it would make more sense for me to tell someone something because i know that they can relate or whatever, there is one friend that i usually imagine talking to.
That friend's name is Josh.
I'm not sure why it's him, perhaps just because i feel so comfortable talking to him and can't really imagine him judging me as much as some other people might. Or perhaps merely because of the fact that all summer i have been looking forward to the two of us hanging out on August 16th which means that he is the first person i imagine talking too since i will see him again before most of my other friends.
I don't know for sure, but it'a kind of been driving me crazy for a while.
But i keep my thoughts tame by spending my life on youtube (even though the redesign and ad changes have been driving me crazy and making me angry) with my favorite people in the world! ♥
Um... no offense to my real life friends, i still love you all, but youtube friends are always there for you no matter what (as long as you have internet) and they can always put a smile on your face.
Anyway, enough with my obsession, I should leave.
Forever yours,
Danielle
But for now i kind of just want to talk. I have been thinking A LOT about stuff. Mostly about friends and going back to school and getting older and stuff because 1. my birthday was last week and i am now 17 and 2. school is starting at the end of the month. Where did summer go? I'm already seeing back to school commercials and having my annual beginning-of-the-year nightmares (this year so far only about not finishing my summer work. I guess since i'm going to be a senior i'm not as afraid of getting lost in the school).
Anyway, i've been wondering for a while now and i both don't have anyone to talk to about it really and also feel weird bringing it up in person, but i will bring it up in this blog:
When you think about sharing personal thought or feelings or experiences with someone, is there one person that you usually imagine talking to?
I've just been wondering if that's normal or if it's just one of my strange qualities.
Since i've brought it up i suppose that i should explain my 'yes' response to the question.
Except for under certain circumstances when it would make more sense for me to tell someone something because i know that they can relate or whatever, there is one friend that i usually imagine talking to.
That friend's name is Josh.
I'm not sure why it's him, perhaps just because i feel so comfortable talking to him and can't really imagine him judging me as much as some other people might. Or perhaps merely because of the fact that all summer i have been looking forward to the two of us hanging out on August 16th which means that he is the first person i imagine talking too since i will see him again before most of my other friends.
I don't know for sure, but it'a kind of been driving me crazy for a while.
But i keep my thoughts tame by spending my life on youtube (even though the redesign and ad changes have been driving me crazy and making me angry) with my favorite people in the world! ♥
Um... no offense to my real life friends, i still love you all, but youtube friends are always there for you no matter what (as long as you have internet) and they can always put a smile on your face.
Anyway, enough with my obsession, I should leave.
Forever yours,
Danielle
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